We had a great day at the beach last Monday.

Then we returned to the parking lot to find our minivan missing a window. My first thought was that an eagle had a heart attack midair and landed into my vehicle. Upon closer inspection my handbag was missing. Perhaps a crow? But since my bag was in no way shiny I went with the third option-someone decided to steal from me. Invaded my space, damaged my property and stole all my lipgloss. Not to mention covered my son’s car seat with thousands of tiny pieces of glass. Bummer.

I called 911 for the first time ever and they dispatched a very good looking Deputy. He was certain it was not a bird and suggested I cancel my credit cards immediately. I was hoping he would tow my vehicle to the CSI lab and use it to put the bad guy away for life while the government sends me a limo with a chauffeur as a thank you until they return my minivan fully fixed. Apparently life is not a TV show and he gave me a number to reach him on if I have any further information instead. I waited for my husband to drive down and pick up Little J and call my bank to cut myself off from little money I have.

As I was driving home I thought of life, chocolate and Monday Listicles. And then it happened: I remembered I have a picture of my fancy Coach bag and all the items that were in my bag!! Thanks to Ducky I shared them with you a few weeks ago and trust me that bag was in my car ever since. So I emailed the Sheriff’s office with pictures and a link to my blog. Bet you never thought Monday Listicles would put a bad guy away for life?

Of course my life has been in shambles since. How does one recover from such tragedy? I tried driving around with no window but it poured down and hailed even before I reached Starbucks drive thru. My sweet husband gave me a whole lot of money to buy myself a new bag and wallet and I have been agonizing over which one ever since. Not to mention my lips are chapped.

To top it all off I discovered that the villain managed to purchase gas before I canceled my credit cards. Surely that will help solve this crime of the century? I called the Deputy immediately. And you know I never ever use my phone to talk! Unfortunately he was not in.

Yesterday I tried calling again.

Lovely male voice: Hello?

Me: Good day. This is Stasha calling for Deputy suchandsuch.

Lovely male voice: I am not sure you have the right name. What is this regarding?

Me: Well my car was broken into and my purse stollen last week down at the South of the island and I have since noticed that my credit card has indeed been used within an hour of it happening and I spoke to my bank and they gave me the time and the location and I am sure that will be very helpful with the investigation because most gas stations have surveillance cameras and the amount was $40 which is probably nearly full tank which means he must have stood there long enough for you to be able to identify the license plate and arrest the man. I have all the information right here for you, do you want me to tell you or send in an email. ( cue victorious drums and a medal of bravery, commitment and brilliance to me thankyouverymuch).

Lovely male voice: I am so sorry to hear about your troubles and I hope they catch whoever did this to you. But you called the Orca Network.

Me: OH MY GOD.

The moral of this story is never to leave your valuables in the car and even if you never ever speak on the phone don’t just assume what the last dialed number on your phone is. Because sometimes on a beautiful sunny day when you go to the beach you are lucky enough to spot a gray whale and call the research center to report it.