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Random PostsFebruary 22, 2012
This post is inspired by 3. An ordinary day told by photos Make breakfast. Build a container ship. Or maybe a plane. Get dressed. Both of us. Walk the dog. Gas up, pick up some [...]
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Category Archives: The good life
9 out of 10 women will choose a man with a sense of humor over a man with good looks, the recent study reveled.
I picked up Little J from preschool and he seemed a tad under the weather.
Little J: Mommy I need you to cheer me up.
Me: OK, what do you have in mind?
Little J: How about we drive down to Seattle, have some sushi and stop by the Lego store?
Me: Hmmm. How about I tell you a joke instead?
Little J: We are not going shopping right?
Little J: OK, let’s see if jokes work.
We stopped by to gas up the car and decided to go through the car wash. My two fool proof jokes did not do the trick so I quickly googled ‘kid friendly jokes’ and fired top 30 one after another. I must admit there were some great ones that even made me laugh. Like: what did zero say to an eight? Nice belt!
Little J and I took turns and he was countering every joke I delivered with one he made up on the fly. I am his mother and you know I love him more then the universe but boy oh boy. The kid cannot tell a joke to save his life.
Me: Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
Little J: What did the zebra use to cross the road?
Me: ( sounds promising…) What?
Little J: A stick and a car.
Me: Hmmmmm… I don’t get it.
Little J: To balance across the stick and use the car to get to the other side.
For the record: my son is very, very witty. But jokes are not his thing. Luckily he is handsome. Let’s hope all those women were being polite when they said funny wins over good looking…
We had a great day at the beach last Monday.
Then we returned to the parking lot to find our minivan missing a window. My first thought was that an eagle had a heart attack midair and landed into my vehicle. Upon closer inspection my handbag was missing. Perhaps a crow? But since my bag was in no way shiny I went with the third option-someone decided to steal from me. Invaded my space, damaged my property and stole all my lipgloss. Not to mention covered my son’s car seat with thousands of tiny pieces of glass. Bummer.
I called 911 for the first time ever and they dispatched a very good looking Deputy. He was certain it was not a bird and suggested I cancel my credit cards immediately. I was hoping he would tow my vehicle to the CSI lab and use it to put the bad guy away for life while the government sends me a limo with a chauffeur as a thank you until they return my minivan fully fixed. Apparently life is not a TV show and he gave me a number to reach him on if I have any further information instead. I waited for my husband to drive down and pick up Little J and call my bank to cut myself off from little money I have.
As I was driving home I thought of life, chocolate and Monday Listicles. And then it happened: I remembered I have a picture of my fancy Coach bag and all the items that were in my bag!! Thanks to Ducky I shared them with you a few weeks ago and trust me that bag was in my car ever since. So I emailed the Sheriff’s office with pictures and a link to my blog. Bet you never thought Monday Listicles would put a bad guy away for life?
Of course my life has been in shambles since. How does one recover from such tragedy? I tried driving around with no window but it poured down and hailed even before I reached Starbucks drive thru. My sweet husband gave me a whole lot of money to buy myself a new bag and wallet and I have been agonizing over which one ever since. Not to mention my lips are chapped.
To top it all off I discovered that the villain managed to purchase gas before I canceled my credit cards. Surely that will help solve this crime of the century? I called the Deputy immediately. And you know I never ever use my phone to talk! Unfortunately he was not in.
Yesterday I tried calling again.
Lovely male voice: Hello?
Me: Good day. This is Stasha calling for Deputy suchandsuch.
Lovely male voice: I am not sure you have the right name. What is this regarding?
Me: Well my car was broken into and my purse stollen last week down at the South of the island and I have since noticed that my credit card has indeed been used within an hour of it happening and I spoke to my bank and they gave me the time and the location and I am sure that will be very helpful with the investigation because most gas stations have surveillance cameras and the amount was $40 which is probably nearly full tank which means he must have stood there long enough for you to be able to identify the license plate and arrest the man. I have all the information right here for you, do you want me to tell you or send in an email. ( cue victorious drums and a medal of bravery, commitment and brilliance to me thankyouverymuch).
Lovely male voice: I am so sorry to hear about your troubles and I hope they catch whoever did this to you. But you called the Orca Network.
Me: OH MY GOD.
The moral of this story is never to leave your valuables in the car and even if you never ever speak on the phone don’t just assume what the last dialed number on your phone is. Because sometimes on a beautiful sunny day when you go to the beach you are lucky enough to spot a gray whale and call the research center to report it.
As a mother one must never pass up an opportunity to teach a child.
Little J and I hike nearly every day. Possibly due to fresh air supply to my brain or coffee that I drink on the way to state parks, my best thinking occurs in the wild. Which works out great because my lovely son has infinite amount of questions that multiply as he walks in nature. I tend to fire the answers pretty fast and well, rarely faking them or using google ( mostly because the signal in the woods is too poor to use the internet.)
Then there are rare occasions where I remember something I learned in school or from my grandfather with enough detail that I can make an educated lesson on the fly. Like the one about the age of trees. I recently enjoyed explaining to Little J the art of telling the past simply by looking at the cross-section of the fallen or cut down tree. As I am sure you all know, every year tree’s growth records a ring. As we count those we can tell how old the tree was. Scientist can also tell by the size of the ring about climate changes, fires, volcanic events, insect infestation, if Lindsey Lohan was arrested that year… To be really fancy I even consulted my assistant aka iPhone and taught my son the study of tree rings is called dendrochronology.
So we counted some rings, practiced math, had an interactive lesson in biology and a physical activity all in one. Pass on the mommy award!
Yesterday morning Little J crawls into my bed. The sun is shining on our faces and he is looking at me lovingly.
Little J: Mommy if you were a tree you would be two years old.
Me: That’s sweet. Why two?
Little J: You have two big lines on your forehead.
Next lesson: chemistry. How to mix up Botox.