Instincts

I have been in a bit of a slump lately.

It is not a terrible one. Not enough to eat a whole jar of Nuttela with a spatula but more then being grumpy about my hair mocking me in the morning. I am no expert but I think it has to do with our move this summer.

For the record I am very excited about living abroad again. I have never been to Japan but I am quite confident it is fantastic. There are obviously a lot of challenges ahead like shipping the dogs and school and house and vehicles and such but I bet in the end everything will work out. Everything always does they say.

Naturally I am sad about having to close my photography business for now and leaving our beautiful Pacific Northwest. Although I will remain NorthWestMommy cause I cannot possibly let Kim Kardashian snag the dang name!

But past few weeks I wake up every night with nightmares. They range from me drawing to loosing Julian in a crowd to leaving the house with my iPhone only 10% charged. It really is not something I have ever experienced before so I am struggling. I find it hard to talk to anyone because I don’t want pity and I also don’t want people to think that I am ungrateful for these amazing opportunities that we are given. I want my family to know I am strong and that this move is not something I don’t want to do. But something deep inside is nagging me, telling me this is not the path I should take.

Do you follow your instincts? Mine have never failed me and I am beginning to wonder if I should maybe rethink everything. Or at least buy a big jar of Nutella…

5 thoughts on “Instincts”

  1. Twitter: MarieMiracles
    Stasha,
    So exciting about you going to live in Japan! Where will you be? I lived in Wakayama (about 50 miles from Osaka) in 1986-1987 and in Osaka from 1987-1989…it’s where I met my British husband. I haven’t returned to Japan since we left in 1989 but one day I will.

    Please email me if you want to chat more about what it’s like to live there. You will have such wonderful photo opportunities!!

    Here are some posts I wrote about my experiences…
    Arriving in Wakayama: http://www.marie-everydaymiracle.blogspot.com/2013/04/w-oh-places-youll-go.html

    Osaka: http://marie-everydaymiracle.blogspot.com/2013/04/o-oh-places-youll-go.html

    Nara: http://marie-everydaymiracle.blogspot.com/2013/04/n-oh-places-youll-go_16.html

    Kyoto, etc.: http://www.marie-everydaymiracle.blogspot.com/2013/04/k-oh-places-youll-go.html

    And various other places: http://marie-everydaymiracle.blogspot.com/p/blogging-from-to-z-challenge.html

    So exciting–I often miss Japan, but I totally understand your anxiety about moving.

    Marie

  2. I can not even begin to know how stressful something like this is. It’s exciting and terrifying all at once. I imagine your feeling of wanting this and fear are normal. While I one to put on a rave face too, it has often come back to bite me. The brave face has kept me from reaching out and talking and sharing and talking. Talk to your husband. Talk to a friend. You are human and don’t have to be super mom. It could be something so little that is causing you doubt or maybe it’s something bigger. Don’t hold these feelings to yourself. One more thought. When I read the line you closed your business I felt as if you gave up a huge part of yourself and while I get it I do wonder if having that business could also happen in Japan and having that business and being a photographer is a huge part of who you are and something that is really deeply important to you …as important as Jullian is to you and you’d never want to lose him 😉

  3. Twitter: AlisonSWLee
    Oh my goodness, I had no idea that you’re moving to Japan! That’s SO EXCITING! I’ve only ever been in the airport for transits on the way to the US, so I can’t say anything about it, but my sister and her husband have been there several times and love it. I can just imagine the amazing photos you’re going to take. I am confident you guys will love it and thrive.
    Alison recently posted..Through The Lens Thursday: Upside Down

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