I ran my fastest 5K today.
It was fueled with anger and dismay. Ocean and it’s wast blueness as my companion, eagles and hawks flying above me and green grass underneath me. My favorite trail to run. But I could not get the images of marathoners approaching the finish line on Monday out of my mind, the explosions blasting as they look behind them. What should have been an euphoric end to one of the most important events and hardest earned accomplishments in their life turning into horror. I ran and I wondered if that could have been me. Standing in the crowd one moment with my son, cheering on the runners and in a split second becoming the headline at the 5 o’clock news. And I got angrier with every step.
I thought about people. How thousands of us are born each day and begin our story. What causes some to turn so horrible that they would intentionally hurt another. And not even a particular person that might have caused them harm, but an innocent stranger. And even worse, a child. I ran and I wondered if I have ever met such a person in my life. And I got scared thinking my son might. So I ran faster.
For the first time ever I turned onto the road. Without my knee brace every step was hurting more. Every time my left foot landed on the concrete, sharp pain shot through my knee, reminding me that life is not perfect. I know my days are full of peace and happiness. My biggest worry is being late for preschool drop off and my dog’s hotspots. I worry about our health and what we put on the table. Sometimes, but I try not to, I worry about my husband being deployed again. I know that there are unimaginable things happening everyday, children dying of huger, people dying in war, nature going wild and taking lives. I know there are tragedies that we should strive to eliminate and there are some that we cannot control. How amidst of all that someone decides to bring more sadness in the world is beyond me.
I kept running. Pain and sadness my companions and the wind that was picking up, I struggled to find inner peace and just be. To find a way to spread the word that even I, who had my fair share of adversity can be happy and look forward to what life brings every morning. That no matter how terrible the situation, violence is never the answer.
How do we recover? From 9/11, to random shootings to Boston Marathon explosions, how do we go on not worrying about what is behind us, what is in front of us and if the stranger next to you might harm you? How do we go on?
I took this photo earlier today:
At the time I was in the saddle. I tightened the reins and said whoa. My horse trusted me against his instinct to stop long enough so I can take a picture of a wild animal. Deer trusted my dog not to hunt and kill him. There we were, all four of us standing in the sun, sharing a moment of trust. Guess that is all we can do.
And when trust fails us… We cannot help ourselves but to loose a little faith in humanity.