We are in the midst of a major crisis.
In fact I think it is safe to say I have unwillingly entered midlife crisis. Due to no fault of my own, specially since I am barely in my thirties. I planned well and knew this would happen once I have a teen living in my house but seeing how I had my son in my twenties ( last month of my twenties, but it counts) it was all going to align perfectly. Stop calculating my age and pay attention please.
This all started innocently enough. A few months ago Little J drew a big, fancy X and stuck that paper onto his door. Apparently we were to enter his bedroom by invitation only. A bit strange for a five year old, but I can live with it. Then he started questioning the meaning of life. He kept saying he wished he was never born because we will all die anyway so why bother. Rather odd kind of suffering for someone at such tender age, but I am sure he is not the first. Then he decided he can do absolutely everything all on his own. Which is all very well except we are always running late and this pushed us from fashionably to extremely late. After that he proclaimed he is becoming a vegetarian. Next followed more darkness and gloom that is his life. If you ask him what is wrong he says nothing. Except he knows for a fact that there is no happiness in his future…
Few weeks ago he told me all he wants to do is stay in bed and do nothing all day. Now if that is not a teen thing to do nothing is. I panicked. Then my husband and I sat down and pondered. We decided we will give him a day off where he can stay in his pajamas and do absolutely nothing at all. We were convinced that he will see how utterly boring this is and never ask for it again. Unfortunately ‘day off’ was a huge success. For the record my son does nothing on most days, only difference he does it wearing clothes and outdoors. So really I am still stumped by this overwhelming need to rest from doing mostly nothing in his life anyway.
But then it happened. He woke up one Tuesday and said MOM. Then again. And again. Then he called daddy DAD. And ever since we have been addressed as MOM and DAD. No more mommy or daddy. Nothing. Just Mom. With a big sharp cut off. No cuteness in his voice, not even when he is negotiating his next day off. I am now officially known as Mom.
I am in shambles. At any given moment you will spot me in the corner eating Nutella out of the jar with a large spoon. Or looking at old photographs wondering where it all went so wrong. Or ignoring my teenage son calling me mom. Seriously I cannot be a mom yet. I am not ready!!!
As a last resort I have decided not to teach Little J how to tie his shoelaces. So he can either get a job like all other teenagers and buy himself slip on shoes or he will forever depend on me. Who’s your mommy now?!