Help, my son is a teenager

We are in the midst of a major crisis.

In fact I think it is safe to say I have unwillingly entered midlife crisis. Due to no fault of my own, specially since I am barely in my thirties. I planned well and knew this would happen once I have a teen living in my house but seeing how I had my son in my twenties ( last month of my twenties, but it counts) it was all going to align perfectly. Stop calculating my age and pay attention please.

This all started innocently enough. A few months ago Little J drew a big, fancy X and stuck that paper onto his door. Apparently we were to enter his bedroom by invitation only. A bit strange for a five year old, but I can live with it. Then he started questioning the meaning of life. He kept saying he wished he was never born because we will all die anyway so why bother. Rather odd kind of suffering for someone at such tender age, but I am sure he is not the first. Then he decided he can do absolutely everything all on his own. Which is all very well except we are always running late and this pushed us from fashionably to extremely late. After that he proclaimed he is becoming a vegetarian. Next followed more darkness and gloom that is his life. If you ask him what is wrong he says nothing. Except he knows for a fact that there is no happiness in his future…

Few weeks ago he told me all he wants to do is stay in bed and do nothing all day. Now if that is not a teen thing to do nothing is. I panicked. Then my husband and I sat down and pondered. We decided we will give him a day off where he can stay in his pajamas and do absolutely nothing at all. We were convinced that he will see how utterly boring this is and never ask for it again. Unfortunately ‘day off’ was a huge success. For the record my son does nothing on most days, only difference he does it wearing clothes and outdoors. So really I am still stumped by this overwhelming need to rest from doing mostly nothing in his life anyway.

But then it happened. He woke up one Tuesday and said MOM. Then again. And again. Then he called daddy DAD. And ever since we have been addressed as MOM and DAD. No more mommy or daddy. Nothing. Just Mom. With a big sharp cut off. No cuteness in his voice, not even when he is negotiating his next day off. I am now officially known as Mom.

I am in shambles. At any given moment you will spot me in the corner eating Nutella out of the jar with a large spoon. Or looking at old photographs wondering where it all went so wrong. Or ignoring my teenage son calling me mom. Seriously I cannot be a mom yet. I am not ready!!!

As a last resort I have decided not to teach Little J how to tie his shoelaces. So he can either get a job like all other teenagers and buy himself slip on shoes or he will forever depend on me. Who’s your mommy now?!

This entry was posted in The good life and tagged , , .

25 Comments

  1. darcelle May 29, 2013 at 23:23 #

    Something tells me I better buy that last jar of European hazelnut spread for you to hide in case of emergencies. I will also hide our how to tie your laces book when Little J comes over to play. My Big J and I had a good laugh at this post. Thank you!

  2. mateja May 30, 2013 at 03:26 #

    Just wait.. this is nothing compare what is coming in a few years..:):)
    mateja recently posted..Vabilo na druženje z delavnico Dom in Stil

  3. Alisa Rhinehart May 30, 2013 at 03:58 #

    Twitter: sogirleatsclean
    I was completely devastated when Rhett started calling me “MOM” and am waiting for him to start calling me…. Mother! :)
    Alisa Rhinehart recently posted..What’s in the Fridge on Friday? Wholly Guacamole!

  4. Southern Angel May 30, 2013 at 04:16 #

    Yikes they grow up way before any of us are prepared for them to, that is for sure. Have hope though mine still slip up and revert back to Mommy from time to time.
    Southern Angel recently posted..Memorial Weekend Recap….

  5. Susi May 30, 2013 at 05:21 #

    Twitter: bocafrau
    Oh boy. These “milestones” hit you in the head totally out of the blue and all you want to do is run for cover or eat Nutella right out of the jar with a spoon… Oh, yeah. My boy will be 13 in a few short months – hold me!
    Susi recently posted..HP Laptop Screen Repair – in pictures {Wordless Wednesday}

  6. Leighann May 30, 2013 at 05:29 #

    You are preparing me for the next stages in my parenting.
    Sigh
    It’s not easy is it?

  7. Rachel May 30, 2013 at 05:54 #

    Twitter: racheldrechsel
    This is my favorite. Charlie has been calling me mom for a while now but I will cry when he learns how to say his “L” sounds. For now I am content with him “dreaming about how much I yove you” or being so excited because “the microwave on our new house is yo”

  8. karen May 30, 2013 at 08:09 #

    Twitter: mrs_karenc
    oh no…I am dreading that moment when he no longer needs me. I think the “mom” and “dad” part is the hardest.
    karen recently posted..It’s Quiet Right Now

  9. Ally May 30, 2013 at 08:19 #

    Twitter: normalmomally
    Oh no!
    Of course, now you will be “Mommy” only when he wants something. My son pulls out the sweet voice and the Mommy when he’s about to ask for something from me… and of course, we all know he is now 18. :)

    Hold on for the ride, you’ve got some times ahead of you!
    Ally recently posted..My Adivce For Those That Follow

  10. Linda Medrano May 30, 2013 at 09:36 #

    My eldest (grandchild) grandson, Cyrus, turns 21 this year. I still see the little boy who I had total access to since his birth. We are still “best friends” and he still calls me at least once a week even though he’s in college now. I miss the little boy he was but love the man he has become. Your boy will grow up, but each piece of him will thrill you as the years go by.
    Linda Medrano recently posted..Wife For Lease

  11. Tara May 30, 2013 at 09:41 #

    Twitter: Lapinskasland
    Just wanted to say (as my first time here), that this is awesome! I feel the same way the few times I’ve gotten MOM or MA (it’s a chicago thing, I think). I’ll be joining you soon in the corner, and I’ll bring the Biscoff.
    Tara recently posted..Building confident daughters, or trying to at least….

  12. lisacng May 30, 2013 at 14:07 #

    Twitter: lisacng
    Wait, he’s 5 right? Do they really grow up so soon! I want to be mommy as long as possible toooooo!
    lisacng recently posted..May month-in-review and reader appreciation

  13. Shannon May 30, 2013 at 15:16 #

    Twitter: deepestworth
    My son is almost 14 and, though he’s tall and hairy and he calls me Mom with the voice of a man, he still gives me great big hugs and talks to me about life. I miss the little boy voice saying “mommy,” and the little boy smudgy face looking up at me, but this teenager stuff isn’t so bad. And, sometimes, it is even pretty awesome.
    Shannon recently posted..Shannon, Kari, and the Chipmunk (and not the singing cartoon kind)

  14. Lisa @ Meaning of Me May 30, 2013 at 15:35 #

    I am the mother of a five year old teenage girl. I completely understand. :)
    Lisa @ Meaning of Me recently posted..Remembering Those Who Served

  15. Kim pugliano May 30, 2013 at 17:40 #

    Twitter: GisSilent
    Noah’s voice started to change a few months ago, after hair started growing in icky places. THAT, my friend is when he’s a teenager.
    Kim pugliano recently posted..About Dating my son

  16. Alison May 30, 2013 at 18:10 #

    Twitter: AlisonSWLee
    Must be because he’s nearly 6. :)
    Alison recently posted..Spreading Love

  17. Wendy Coffman May 30, 2013 at 20:05 #

    Twitter: stampingrules
    Say it ain’t so! He looks so sweet in your snaps!
    Wendy Coffman recently posted..The Pintester Movement

  18. Errol Hartzheim May 31, 2013 at 03:04 #

    Sometimes we miss when they’re growing up, till one day when they become “big”. Sadly we can only watch it and try to stay close to them.
    Errol Hartzheim recently posted..Zakupy a Ekonomia

  19. Laverne May 31, 2013 at 03:13 #

    BWWWAAAHHHHHH!!! Oh Stasha I can not help but laugh. I seriously and utterly adore you’re writing style. I honestly never thought of not teaching my daughters something so they would be dependent on me…it’s brilliant I tell you! Also, this whole teenage thing at 5…I am right there with you momma. I have a 6 and 7 yr old very sassy and working on the smart mouth phase. And the sass and words that come out of their mouth. What is that possessed, head spinning, green gooo spitting tongue they speak. It can not possibly be my little girls!!! I still am Momma though so I’ll hang on to that. I have taught them to tie their shoes though. Oh my I am going to have to start holding back!!!!
    Laverne recently posted..My Mother’s Day Gift to Me…akaOhMyLawrdy

  20. Anne LeBlanc May 31, 2013 at 07:57 #

    Twitter: littleredhens
    Oh, I love it. I love it. My oldest is 16 and still calls me Mommy. But my 10 year old called me Mom from about age 5. I don’t get it. I got the mellower one first and it has not prepared me for what is to follow. I loved your nothing day description because that is exactly what my kids would love as well and there is NO CHANCE they will get bored of doing nothing. I guess that is good. Oh, Stasha, I love you.
    Anne LeBlanc recently posted..Still here.

  21. emily May 31, 2013 at 09:56 #

    As a result of hanging with my toddler for the majority of the week, rather than hearing him scream MOOOMMMMMY at me, it’s MOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOM. I think I prefer the Mommy!
    emily recently posted..150/365 Boats in a row

  22. Heather June 1, 2013 at 15:56 #

    Twitter: thefrilloflife
    Five? Just FIVE? Mine is four. I half died when I switched from “Mommy” to “Momma.” Mom is just unacceptable.
    Heather recently posted..Standing in God’s Will

  23. Rorybore June 1, 2013 at 19:53 #

    Twitter: rorybore
    5 years? yep, sounds about right. that’s also around the time I became a “mom”. unless he wants a new DS or Wii game, in which case I am once again “mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy?”
    oh they get wise quick that’s for sure.
    Now at 8 years…I’m not even “mom”…it’s the full on teen short speak “ma”.
    like WTF? do I look like I have curlers in my hair, wearing a housedress and kneading bread dough?
    it was nice while it lasted though. and it does have some pluses…he can now get his own cereal in the morning at least. that’s an extra 15 minutes of sleep right there.
    Rorybore recently posted..Tagged…rather, Tickled My Fancy

  24. Kelly Kardos June 5, 2013 at 15:47 #

    Lol-Stasha-I know it’s not funny -but you tell a great story. Kids don’t understand them trying to find their way and navigate through their lives is heart stabbing for us moms. In never ready for the next stage of their little lives. And why is it that electronics come with a better instruction book than children!?

  25. just JENNIFER June 9, 2013 at 10:53 #

    Twitter: JenAnnHall
    Oh my goodness! My nearly 13 year old can’t stop calling us mommy and daddy. I find myself asking her if she’s ever gonna switch to mom and dad. Kids are so weird!
    just JENNIFER recently posted..The ABCs of Me

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