Wild and free

I snuck out to the farm this afternoon.

Normally I only ride when my son is in preschool but husband had a day off so I took advantage of it. I reasoned that I had to wash the dog anyway after brushing him for hours, so I really had no choice…

I saddled up and went for a trail ride. All the horses were put away in stalls for the night, pastures were empty and deer were feeding on the grass by the track. Max was soaked from the shower I gave him earlier and smelling like Mane’n tail. He was trotting along, his tail hi up, probably fancying himself a bit of a horse too. Vizon was feeling rather competitive, wanting to race my dog. I sat there, controlling his pace, wandering what goes through his mind as I ride him on a late summer afternoon.

They both noticed the deer grazing and dog charged after him. As if he was ever going to catch him. And if so, what would he do with him anyway? Vizon was staring at the chase, wanting to trot faster. We took the curb and rode over the leaves that have started falling in the past week. The sound of them crushing under my horses huffs, my dog panting by the side of us, trying to catch up and the breeze on my face made me happy. Riding on a quiet afternoon, on an empty farm, alone, made me happy.

Then the guilt came over me. What kind of mother am I? My happiest moment of the day is spend with my animals. What kind of wife am I? When I think of a perfect afternoon, my husband’s role in it is one of a babysitter. What kind of friend am I? Being glad that I waved at my girlfriends leaving through the gate as I entered the farm?

I looked at the time. Then I decided to go another lap around the racetrack. And we galloped all the way. Max and Vizon racing, the dust on the track lifting up behind us. Nobody could see us through it, so I smiled. I will hug my boy, kiss my man and spend time with my friends later. But right now we will run free.

( I wrote this couple of months ago. )

17 thoughts on “Wild and free”

  1. Twitter: runnermomjen
    I was on that ride with you…you described it perfectly. And you know what? Sometimes it’s ok to be that wife/mother/friend that is having the time of her life all by herself.
    xo
    Runnermom-jen recently posted..Sugar High

  2. Twitter: GisSilent
    Stasha – YOU WERE ENJOYING YOUR ‘ME’ TIME. We all love our families until our hearts hurt but we need our personal time as well. Fridays are my favorite day of the week. From 8 to 2:30 nobody can interrupt me. I can sleep, run, shop, eat or blog to my heart’s content without a soul to disturb me (pretend nobody texts me). Good for you for enjoying yourself. Beautiful post. I love when you write.
    Kim @The G is Silent recently posted..Seven Years

  3. Twitter: lilahbility
    You both need and deserve that time to just be you, free from the duties of wife and mother. In fact, I strongly believe that breaks like that make you a better mother. If you don’t take care of you and do those things for yourself, how are you supposed to take care of others?
    Amanda recently posted..Halloween Leftovers

  4. Love the motion & attitude you created by words. You have the right to be wild & enjoy your life to the full throttle.

    Keep writing ๐Ÿ™‚
    Natalie Johnson recently posted..Redx

  5. Twitter: notwifezilla
    I don’t think there should be any guilt associated with finding happiness outside of your role as mom/wife. We are still people damn it! Bliss is deserved for everyone. I loved this piece because I really felt like I was with you on your horse. (Closest I’ll get back in the saddle!)
    Jackie recently posted..The After

  6. Twitter: mommyisforreal
    I absolutely love this. So honest. It seems like that guilt is always present, but I think it’s really important to power through it and keep doing the things that make us feel human and grounded. Because, truly, that does make you a great mother, wife, and friend.
    Stephanie Sprenger recently posted..The Awkward Blogger

  7. Twitter: rorybore
    I am a very firm believer that running a little wild and free every now and then..can only make us better wives and mothers. Just as long as you can always find your way back home.
    Which is useful when trail riding since horses generally can find their own way back to where hay and a bucket of oats await, ๐Ÿ™‚
    sounds like it was the perfect day for a ride and I am glad you got to enjoy it!
    Rorybore recently posted..PAD Challenge 2012: Day 4 "Beneath"

  8. Twitter: goaliej54
    Time alone is so important. It helps you re-energize! I love my alone-time walks after work (I’ll miss them this winter). We need to be happy so we’ll be our best for our families. ๐Ÿ™‚ Great post!
    Jessica recently posted..Throwback Thursday

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