The art of hoarding

My kid is a hoarderer.

We have known this for awhile. He cried for two days this summer when we suggested to buy new furniture for his room and replace his bookshelf which is not actually meant to hold books but is the changing table I used to wipe his butt on when he was a baby. Thanks to IKEA suggesting it can be a useful piece of furniture once your children are potty trained my son has big plans for it. Apparently he will keep it forever and let his wife display her Barbie doll collection when they are retired and living in Boca Raton in 2089. When we asked him to please pass on his scooter to our neighbor’s two year old and we have given up begging to donate the red car which he cannot fit into at all. I have resulted to throwing things away while he is not watching which usually works except on occasion when he comes screaming: ‘MOM where is my fantastic Mr. Fox figurine that I got in the Happy meal in 2009 and have never played with before ever? I put in a safe place in box number 19 under the stairs cause I knew I would turn out to be a huge Wes Anderson fan and I really, really need it. Can you help me look for it?’ So I must keep up with the charade and spend two hours looking for it although you and I both know I gashed it in 2011.

It baffles us how this could be since my husband and I are not really sentimentally attached to things. Sure I have a few pairs of jeans in size 26 stashed on the top shelf of my closet but that’s just being prepared. You see in case of a huge epidemic and general famine I would most likely loose the extra 40 pounds and since all the shops would probably be looted by then I could just wear my old skinny jeans. My husband has been known to house a large collection of books, mixed tapes and a 80’s yellow Walkman to play them on but I think that’s just to keep himself busy while we are stranded in the house during the epidemic outbreak, because there is only so many hours you can stare at your wife’s perfect size 26 behind. But how useful the vintage IKEA changing table will be in this situation? Not much since we probably want be allowed to cut it up for firewood. Is it even made out of wood?

Anyways I think I know where Julian gets his hoarding gene from. My grandma invented hoarding. He only ever met her when he was a baby but she must have taught him everything she knew about how to never ever let go on her death bed. I grew up in the house full of stuff. Not vintage shabby chic stuff, more like a newspaper collection from the 60’s that grandma never got the chance to read and kept for when a spot on her calendar opened up in 1989. She once kept a kiwi that went a little too soft and grandpa and I refused to eat just in case we changed our mind. Six months later special forces came in hasmet suits and sealed our apartment for bio hazard materials. She was so glad to have visitors she immediately offered them some kiwi.

Clearly scientific research is right when they say genes skip a generation. Or in Julian’s case two. Never has this been more evident then few weeks ago during the ordeal that was the tooth fairy. But that’s a whole other story…

Posted in The good life

Monday Listicles

Confession time: I am unreasonably grumpy.

To be honest I totally did it to myself. Last night I binged out on Criminal Minds and after three back to back episodes of gruesome murder and awful people that I hope don’t exist in real life I attempted to go to sleep waaaaaay past my bedtime. Obviously that didn’t come easily so today I am tired and kinda annoyed with everything and everyone except chocolate and cute puppies. The good news is that I am now convinced I am very wise not to be running much this year because most murders and abductions on TV happen to women jogging around. Have you ever seen a dreadful attack on a chubby middle-aged lady sipping tea in her comfy chair with her 5 cats reading a book under a cozy blanket? Exactly! All I am missing is cats for protection…

Not sure why but I have been thinking about my grandpa a lot lately and missing him terribly, so I decided to write my listicles about him and the special times we shared together. Wonder what your moments are?

Next week:

10 THINGS HALLOWEEN

Make a list, check it twice, link it up. Read others. Have fun!

 

10 10 MOMENTS WITH MY GRANDPA I WILL NEVER FORGET

1. Fishing by the lake in silence for hours.

2. Playing chess.

3. Sitting in his lap, “helping” him with his cross puzzles.

4. Hiking in the woods.

5. Picking chestnuts.

6. Biking around town with him.

7. Sledding on the high slopes and him pulling me all the way up the hill.

8. Dancing into New Years 1983 in our apartment living room.

9. Walking our dog Kir.

10. Saying good bye to him the last time and telling him everything’s going to be alright. And yet he past away straight after.



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Monday Listicles

Hey there, how are you?

That is probably the first thing I ask anyone I ever bump into. And I actually look forward to hearing all about how you are. What is your go to one liner?

Anyways leave me a comment telling me how you are and how your week went? In the mean time let me tell you all about mine. We had a ball to attend this weekend and I wore an amazing gown and felt like million dollars and my husband was so handsome and lovely and fun that I fell in love with him all over again by early Sunday morning. Amazing how good a night out does for the soul. I am determined to brush my hair more often from now on…

So let’s talk about things we say this week and next week:

10 MOMENTS I WILL NEVER FORGET

Make a list, check it twice, link it up. Read others. Have fun!

 

10 THINGS I SAY TOO MUCH

1. Awesome
not sure if LEGO movie is to blame but I catch myself saying awesome a few times a day. Seriously how awesome are random, everyday things?

2. Fantastic
as if awesome wasn’t annoying and over the top enough…

3. Chop Chop
and hurry up and hustle and anything else that I hope will get my 1st grader to school on time.

4. Oh no
cause I am always forgetting something.

5. Mmm-hm
sometimes I just tune people out and clearly I am not great at covering it up.

6. Sorry
I am a notorious apologizer. If somebody tells me I need to stop saying sorry my response will be: Sorry!

7. Oh bother.
let’s face it most things tend to be a big bother sometimes.

8. Banana
not sure why but whenever my son asks me to guess something I will always try banana first. Not that banana is ever an answer…

9. Rubbish
if you ever met me you would know that word is so me.

10. OK
it’s the most universal thing to say. And my go to answer for everything. Mostly meaning I have no idea what you just asked me but OK.



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